Monday, June 12, 2006

Angel of Mercy, Angel of Death

Guilty, I stand, facing you, with head bowed
Lend your soft hands, and raise me up the scaffold.
Let the black veil of your hair, flow down my head
Hide from me, if you can, the inevasible fate.
Loop you hands, 'round my neck like a noose
Itz up to you now, to hold me tight, or let me loose.

-- Addu

I wrote this for a girl.
She later told me that her hair was brown not black.
Oh ! I must observe things better.

The return of the Rhymer

I got a mail from a friend of mine (Kaustubh Nadkarni - or Nadya, has he is popularly known) a few days back. It was a reply to a long-lost-mail of mine with the same subject, and which Nadya had apparently archived ( Thanks Nadya !) . The mail went something like this :

had this in my archives...
ugot abtdoing anythingafterthis one?? :D

Nadya

On 11/25/03, Adnan Raja _02007013_ <adnan@ee.iitb.ac.in> wrote:
>
> Listen to the Electron
> ----------------------
>
> I wonder what an electron would say,
> Here I go dwon the band
> Free falling my way.
>
> If you cool me down,
> I would be in Fermi's trap
> If I get excited, I know
> I can jump any gap
>
> And when I leave
> I don't leave you empty hand
> I leave equal no. of holes behind
>
> When you shine light on me
> I rise;But also give it back.
> Learn something from me
> All you RG chaps.
>
> And in your circuits I go round n round
> To turn your lights and
> to make your fans go-round
>
> And all this running about
> makes my back ache, my joins jolt
> Will someone humanist file a case
> For electron exploit !
>
> No matter how high a barrier
> I would tunnel through
> Though knowing that it would leave me tired ! Phew !
>
> When you try to see me
> I am just gone;Where am I ?
> It would never in you minds dawn
>
> "Ah ! You are uncertain, unsure "
> -you may say
> But that's just to keep your
> inquisitive mind at bay
>
> For I know the 'ultimate' answers
> As I merrily run around
> While making you scratch your heads
> And scribble equations down.
>
> -adin
>
> p.s -
> More to come:-
>
> :-"Multiply me with you"-sang one matrix to another
> :-The system's call
>
> .......And many more

Don't Laugh ! It was two-and-a-half years back and it does sound rather childish to me too now.
No ! Nadya, I never wrote the matrix or the system 's call ones, but I keep writing now and then when I get inspired (or bored!).

I used to rhyme on the batch-mailing lists back then. It was fun. My style was simple and crude. Look for words, that rhyme and fit. But it also depended on my mood. Emotions guiding words and words guiding emtotions. Limited by words and limited by emotions. Sandhya, who always used to rhyme better said I lacked rhythm and meter. I never undersood it then. I still don't.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

The settler

Not that I was much bothered what my name meant, but it was always a little uneasy for me; when a rather curious person - A friend's over-zealous father or a talkative Professor or an ice-breaking HR manager - affronted me with this question. My answer used to be - 'Why should a name have meaning ?', 'When I go from this world, I would have given a meaning to my name?' or on other bored days, I used to say - 'Its some complicated Mythology. Something to do with some river in the heaven? ' I don't know if the answers amused anyone, but it made myself happy by concealing my ignorance, in what I beleived to be a smart way.

The way to the answer was obvious and simple. Google search ! On a lazy monday-morning as I surfed internet (on my still a week-and-a-half-old laptop) I casually typed 'Adnan meaning' - Enter. Voila ! I am the settler ! Peace !

But how settled am I ? Somewhere deep down I have always been fascinated by the life of a Vagabond ; A wanderer ; A taker-of-life-as-it-comes-by. Like the words of R.L.Steveson ...


The Vagabond

Give to me the life I love,
Let the lave go by me,
Give the jolly heaven above
And the byway nigh me.
Bed in the bush with stars to see,
Bread I dip in the river -
There's the life for a man like me,
There's the life for ever.

.....

-- Robert Louis Stevenson


Or like Larry in Somerset Maugham's "The Razor Edge". No ! Not like him. If I would have been him. I would have taken a job with the Maturins. (And the confident side of me says - "I would have gone on to make a grand sum and earned 'infinite' wealth"). I have treaded the worn-out path. (But not always, I have gone on many a trails in the forest and the hills and have got lost and it's all been good). From Vijaya High school in Bangalore to The National College, Jayanagar and there to Mumbai :

Prima in Indis,
Gateway to India,
Star of the east
With her face to the west.

(From "Midnight's children" - Salman Rushdie)

IIT Bombay. Oh ! wait ! Did I break a convention there. The well-treaded path would have led me to IIT Madras. But then, there was a green grassy path to IIT-Kanpur as well. Compromises ! Were they ?

'Face to the west' - I am headed to America. A stamp of approval for 5 long years lie on the fourth page of my passport.
Five well settled years ?
A clean road with spacious lanes ? Gleaming straight and perfect-perpendicular through the Infinitidue of Corn-fields ? Through little-neat rows of houses of Indians and Chinese ? And dreams ? ambitions ? fame ? pride ? money ? values ? family ? satisfaction ? (No ! don't bother about the order)
The settler will be settled happy, won't he ?